Mad day
by Mart7
Summary: What if Jack and Jane woke up and had switched bodies? How would they survive? A oneshot from Nothing Fails! Hope you like it! R&R!


She rolled and reached the end of the bed. She turned it slowly and fell on her back painfully. A low groan escaped from her mouth. "Fuck."

Jane shook. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around. _Blue_. Blue? Her head felt heavy from the fall. She lowered her eyes to her body.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH—" _BUMP!_

XXXXX

A sudden pain on the back of his head made him jump awake on his bed. _White._ White? His body started shivering and he made up it was all a big nightmare. He rolled on the bed taking the covers around his body and let himself fall on the floor thinking if he had fallen asleep pasted to the wall since he rolled so many times to finally find the edge. A sudden pain on his chest manifested as he collapsed on the floor. He used to do that to make himself awake from his dreams, but never noted any kind of special pain. Oh well, he was just too tired.

XXXXX

Jane got up and rubbed her- _her?_ – head. "This is a joke. This must be a joke." She glared at Jack's body. "This is not good." She looked around but no "Jane".

"Jack! You fairy, are you alright man?" Bobby asked worried coming from the door. Jane shocked.

"I-I-I… Why wouldn't I? I just hit my head on the nightstand. Go back to bed already."

"You sure you're okay?" He asked again yawning.

"I am." Bobby turned back and walked out of the room hitting the door shut. Jane felt like screaming again but covered her mouth. "Why does he have o sleep in boxers? Why why why—" She jumped off the floor cracking her back and opened the drawer. "Clothes, clothes, clothes. It's all clothes. AWW. Jeans. Okay… A sweater… JUST WHERE ARE HIS SHOES?" She threw the clothes on the bed and started searching better on the closet.

"What the…?" Jane's eyes rolled as she threw the small box away. "And don't you try comforting yourself sayin' it's a good signal, that only means he has safe sex." She talked to herself. Actually, she couldn't ignore the fact that it was Jack's voice coming out of her mouth. "Papers… Well, magazines. AWWWW I'm fainting." She declared as she took a look on them. Jane closed it and looked around. "THERE!" She got dressed and skipped out of the room and the house running like mad and jumping the front steps. She rang her own house doorbell and started punching the door.

"JACK!" She called. "JACK YOU LITTLE BRAT OPEN THE DOOR!"

_Oh my…_

_I'm actually screaming my (or not) name in front of my (or not) house. _She thought of the ridiculous figure she was making and decided just to ring furiously the doorbell. Jack stepped out of the covers and walked downstairs with his eyes closed sleepily, tripping throughout the way. He found the knob and opened his eyes shyly.

"Get in." Jane said pushing Jack into the house. She closed the door and eyed him.

"AWWWWW—" He screamed but was cut off by Jane who covered his mouth with her hand.

"Don't say a word." She stated and she slid down the door to the floor and glanced _her _body.

"How come I don't say a word?! That's my body! Give it to me!" He protested childishly stretching his hand and closing his eyes. Jane chuckled.

"Are you really waiting for something?"

Jack opened one eye. "Yes." Jane got up and placed her hand over his.

"This is your body. How do you pretend to take it? If you have any idea I'd be happy."

Jack blushed. He looked down to the body he now possessed. His eyes rolled and his hand reached his mouth and nose bottom. "I think I just got a bloody nose."

"What are you looking at you pervert? It's not like you never saw them before." Jane furiously spat. She ran upstairs having difficulty in managing those legs and got her robe. She threw it at Jack. "Dress it."

Jack dressed it mumbling. "Never really saw them close up."

"Oh really?" She asked ironically.

"Can you access my memories?"

"I'm perfectly sane. I just don't have my body, you thief."

"HA! Don't tell me!" He dramatized sarcastically. "And it's not my fault this is happening!"

Jane shoved her hands into her pockets and looked away.

She quickly took them off again and blushed as Jack laughed at her; Jane turned up her nose and closed her eyes. She started walking towards the kitchen and Jack followed her with his look. He gasped from laughing.

"Be-Be careful with _my_-" He tried. "OUCH!" They yelled in unison. "…head." Jane grabbed her forehead and Jack massaged his. Their eyes met.

"Why do you have to be so tall, you rat?!"

"Why do I have to be in a woman body, you brat?!"

"Why do you have to sleep in boxers?!"

"Why can't I look at them-WAIT A MINUTE! You dressed _me_?"

"YEAH—OWA honey, you ask why you can't look at what? They actually are mine!"

"Yeah? And what you just felt, isn't it mine!?"

"Why do you have to win?"

"Well babe, I'm _Jane, _right?" A sly smile appeared in his face while Jane just got more and more annoyed. She carefully bowed and entered the kitchen.

"So you can feel the pain I feel?"

"I felt when you hit _my _head." Jane took a knife from the knife block and grabbed now Jack's hand. "Hey easy there pony, what do you think you're doing—" Jane held tight the pointy finger and quickly made a small cut on the top. Both of their mouths tensed and blood started coming out. Jane checked her finger but no blood, only a red spot. "Check the other." He suggested.

"It's this one, dummy."

A drop of blood fell on the floor and suddenly disappeared. Their eyes became bigger as they crouched on the floor to look closely at the spot where the blood fell. "Did the floor absorb it?" Asked Jack innocently. Jane glared at him.

"No, idiot."

"I was only asking! You don't know what happened either so shut up!"

"Damn, _you _are certainly irritant, aren't you." Affirmed Jane slyly.

"Following your ideas then _you _are certainly stupid, aren't you." Jack paid back. Silence fell over them as they just death-glared at each other crouched on the floor like too kids trying to make the other one fall by their _powerful _look. They didn't notice the drop of blood appeared on the floor again, bigger and boiling.

VUM!!! They were projected to the kitchen extremities and fell on their backs. They both screamed in pain, confusion and surprise.

XXXXX

In the kitchen's counter was very elegant and pretty woman was sitting with her legs crossed. Her skin was pale as snow; her hair was dark red falling amazingly brushed to one side. She was dressed as Betty Boop and had some white dust over her shoulders and lap.

Jack dropped his jaw and Jane cleaned the blood coming out of her lip. "Hello, Barbie." Greeted the unknown woman to Jane—"Hello, Ken." – and to Jack.

"And who are you? Jessica Rabbit? And do I look like a Barbie?"

"Who am I? Jessica Rabbit? And do you look like a Barbie?" Repeated the stranger, laughing. "You sure don't in that sexy body of yours."

"That's actually mine." Protested Jack getting up. The woman turned to Jack. She circled around him and ran a red nail from the bottom of his neck to his shin.

"I love your lips." She declared amazed.

"They're mine." Jane mumbled.

"Don't you think I'm sexy? Am I… supernatural?" Said the woman ignoring Jane.

"W—Well…" Jack babbled.

"Jack if you dare to answer—"

"I'm not…" The woman turned her look to Jane. "…talking to you."

"Who are you? Where did you come from?" Jack asked getting rid of her finger.

"Sorry, sugar, I'm married." She said with a giggle turning again to Jack.

"I don't have a fucking idea about you, but leave." Jack walked over to Jane and the woman prevailed in the same spot. She laughed raising her hands and grabbing nothing.

"You are so innocent! Oh…" She turned back and with only one step she faced them. "But the word 'fuck' doesn't count on your polite dictionary. I would tell you to apologize but since you are way too fresh blood, I won't humiliate you like that."

"So you know what happened to us?" Asked Jane crossing her arms. Some hairs came tickling her left eye and she brushed them away, turning her look to Jack. "If your hair keeps teasing me, you'll be bald by tomorrow." Jack tried to protest but was cut by the woman.

"Call me... Lucia."

"Lucia. Okay. Now tell us how to get rid of this."

"Well." Lucia circled around them and then sat on imaginary chair. Her dress fell to her sides as if actually there was a chair beneath her small body. "I am here to study how humans would react to this experience. I could make the whole world switch bodies with even flowers. That would come to chaos. In that situation, people's curiosity and confusion would bloom beyond anything known. It would pass religion and faith and etc. You know the rest." She made a pause and sat up. "I want to revive the intelligence and logic of the human instincts. It makes me confuse you're all so stupid. People like me would find the solution very soon because they all have a brain working."

"You're the one making me confuse…" Jane informed letting out a low cry of exhaustion.

"Well lets have a seat." Said Lucia leading to the living room. "I am going to study your actions through out this day. You have to be careful and act with your brain, humans, brain. No one can see me unless I make them, except you two. Let the party begin." She proffered the last sentence happily and smiled.

Jack and Jane stared at her as if she was a mistuned TV. A bunch of papers fell from nowhere on her lap followed by a pair of glasses. They stared at each other and sighed.

"You better start thinking, Jackie." Threatened Jane with her arms and legs crossed in a very feminine pose.

"I AM thinking so stop picking on me." Jack protested. He opened his legs and laid back on the couch letting out a small cry of frustration.

The morning and afternoon went by. They didn't eat or drink anything and Lucia spent all the time observing them without expression.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Announced Jack. Jane's eyes fell on him.

"You're not moving a finger! Think, think and be quiet!"

"This is tedious I can't think of anything! I'm going to commit suicide right now!"

"JACK! DON'T YOU—" Jack ran to the kitchen and found a knife. Jane ran after him and they wrestled for the knife.

"EEOUCH!" Jack's hand was bleeding. Lucia had sat up and was watching the scene closely. Jane had an idea. She picked the knife and made a light cut on her wrist, clenching her teeth together. She stretched it to Jack's mouth.

"Let me drink my blood and I'll let you drink yours."

Jack refused to believe his ears. "You've gone mad! It's human blood Jane!"

"So what? I am breathing with your blood in your veins and you are breathing with my blood in my veins. Drink it, don't let it drop." She grabbed his hand and brought it close to her mouth. Jack's tongue stretched to the wound on her wrist. They closed eyes and took a last breath as their lips kissed the blood from their wounds. Hot blood poured down their throats burning every place it touched.

Lucia smiled and an explosion inside their bodies took them to another dimension, their souls were banned from the bodies and got back to the place they came.

"Congratulations, you made my test. It wasn't that hard, was it? I hope you had a good day." Declared a grinning Lucia in their minds. She turned around and disappeared in a sea of flames. They opened eyes.

They were laying down on the kitchen floor and no signal of the strange woman. The kitchen was perfectly clean; there was no longer a bloody knife on the counter. Jane raised her head and then the test of her body. Jack was laying down with his hands on his stomach laughing. "What just happened to us?"

"You ask me?!"

"The walls don't seem in a good mood to answer."

"Don't joke around. I'm using the bathroom." Jane walked out of the kitchen.

"I'll go upstairs then." Yelled Jack. Jane stopped and laughed too. He walked out of the kitchen. "Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Good to have you back."

"Sure it is good to have myself back—"

"YOU SELFISH IDIOT!" Jane shouted getting in the bathroom and trying to close the door but Jack stopped her.

"Definitely, good to have you back."

"Yes, I think so too." They smiled.

"Will I ever get to drink your blood again?" He teased, evilly grinning.

"It was YOUR blood, mister. Now get out, I don't usually go around and sell my blood."

Jack laughed. "If I turned into a vampire, I'd make you one too so I wouldn't be alone in eternal life." He proclaimed in a proud tone.

"And what a romantic scene in a bathroom."

"I can make it even more—"

"GET YOUR ASS OUT!"

**Lovely, faithful readers! This is the proof I've gone mad LOL Oh well it's short but I hope you enjoyed it. It took me VERY VERY long to write this because I didn't really know how to end. I just wanted to make a funny oneshot of my newest story "Nothing Fails" which if you haven't read, I hope you do in the future : ) I'd be glad.**

**Thanks a lot to all my friends that inspired me and to the unknown bus stop guy that also kept my curiosity wide open. LOL I'll tell the story later if I feel to. **

**Congratulations, Jenny for your engagement! And thank you Tini for being my onee-chan! I love you!**

**I also want to say one thing, in the begin of the story, Jane finds some magazines, remember? Well, they're called "okazu" I think, in Japan but I won't say what it means, let your imagination fly: P **

**I love you all! Leave review!**

**Mart **

**P.S.: Onee-chan means big sister ; ) I hope you got that Tinilove.**


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